Am plain frustrated.Exams on and there is this feeling of so much suffocation. Early morning trials to wake up, that turn into vexed submission to the sleep that overwhelms. And when I do wake up, drugged eyes that refuse to concentrate on anything, the paper, the books, the walls around me where I invariably escape getting banged into, at the last second. And then coffee… hot and strong, that assails the final remnants of sleep and force my eyes open…
And again a day of chaotic consciousness and sublime nonsense.
I hate the way I have come to spend life. Like a routine. Mundane and monotonous. Monstrous. And yes… looming like a great big gray cloud that just stays there and refuses to budge.
Ok, maybe I am over-reacting. But this is because I am so much so prone to long bouts of incessant worry and blackness. Not exactly blackness in blackness terms, but figuratively. And already there is so much to worry about, other than this dull mechanization of life that has come to be.
Added to that, exams.
Waiting for it to end. Like that day, I will sleep. Twenty straight hours. Or maybe spend the day at the council library. Or sit at home and watch a couple of movies, something that has become obsolete in my life. Or spend the day on the telephone. Or blog. Or write, cook(!), eat. Or wander around the city.
Or worry about the essay that would even then be due. Eleventh hour stuff. Everything at the last minute. The last second.
And worry through it all.
